Victim of circumstances
If you may have both or only one of these patterns, as I was talking about in the Patterns chapter,
and regard yourself as the victim of circumstances?
That is about the most dangerous and destructive thing you can do to yourself!
To put yourself in the part of victim of circumstances out of my control is
to throw away every chance you get to do anything about your situation!
If you´re a victim you´ll get sympathy, of course, (at least at first) and less
demands on yourself to achive things, but you will soon learn that people´s
patience people with a constant victim is limited...and if you persist in the
victim role you will soon find yourself very lonely, sitting there in your
corner constantly reminding whoever comes along that life is a bad job.
Also, as I said before, to keep up a professional victim role is to unhand
yourself of every chance to make change at all in your life for the better!
By choosing the victim role, more or less permanently, you´ve invite bitterness
as a companion into your life and, mind you, bitterness has never done anything
positive to anyone! Not for the one who´s bitter and not for the ones who are
exposed of it!
I always fear those sucess stories which you comes across ever so often;
somebody who, full of bitterness and anger over their childhood circumstances,
have dedicated or life to change their circumstances having (of course) with
such an amount of dedication suceeded in that ambition.
So far so good, you have my applause as well my admiration of the good work you ve done!
But it doesn´t stop there, does it...?
You´ll never have that happy ever after unless you put just as much work and
dedication into letting go off all that anger and bitterness that drove you to the achievement.
Those kind of emotions never go away by themselves, only because your objective
has been won! On the contrary they remain, with stubbornness, leaving you,
after having done all this work, depressed and confused over why am I not
happier, more content. Why can´t I feel this is good enough, this is my
dream and slowly the sinking feeling of it wasn´t worth it.
Someone who finds themselves in those circumstances is a very difficult person
to live with; the very people who you worked yourself half to death for, in
order to create a better life for them and to give them better chances in life
than you had yourself, discover they are is now the target of your anger and
The demands you put on them and the amount of gratitude you crave become
inhuman and impossible to fullfill.
Because, and this goes for all of us, whoever or wherever we are, the minute
we place the reason or circumstance for our wellbeing or happiness outside of
ourselves we are threading on very thin ice!
When we put demands or expectations on someone else we both unhand ourselves
of the possibility of change as well as of influencing our own lives.